I've Been Let Back In

For some reason Blogger.com would not let me into my blog for the last few days. Every time I tried to login, the page would just dissappear and I would just say, "fuck it". Lo and behold, I tried today and I have gained re-entry. I know you all are wiping the sweat off your brow.

Nothing too detailed today...

Last Thursday night my friends and I went out. I got wasted like it was 1999. I haven't been that drunk in many many months. I enjoyed it however the next day I was super naucious and throwing up before I went into work. While we were out the night before this girl offered me crack. I told her that I didn't do that and she still insisted. She was on crack, she was determined. She asked me about 4 different times to go to the bathroom with her. She tried to hold my hand kindly and take me out of the bar to smoke it in her car. In a box with a fox. In a house with a mouse. She showed me the crack she scored, my mouth dropped. She asked if I had a "stem" or "shooter" to do the crack. I don't know why this girl was so determined to turn me into a crack head. I think really she was lonely after her boo had left her at the bar after smoking their blunt (not being condesending (is that the right word?), these are the terms and facts stated). She got kicked out of the bar shortly after. I'm glad I was sober enough at that point to really take in what had happened.

Later that night at a different bar (three sheets to the wind at this point), the bar was closed and we were in the parking lot. There was a fight. Don't know who the people are. I have the bright idea that maybe I could settle the fight with a little peacemaking talk. Didn't work. I fell over on some dude and my arm got aggresively grabbed at one point and now I have a humongous bruise that covers the whole upper right arm. I busted up my toe and it bled all over my pretty heels.

This past Wednesday I went to a friends house. We were going to have some wine and dinner and watch her program, "Lost". That all worked out well and it was nice and her apartment kicks ass. Dinner was delish and the wine was super delish. Anyway, we were heading back to the store for another bottle of wine but had to make a pitstop at the gas station first because I was waay below empty. We are at the pump, pumping and taking. I only wanted $10 worth so as it neared I let go of the handle but the handle wouldn't stop pumping. The handle was jammed. It was jammed and wouldn't stop pumping the very expensive gasoline. I figured that if I maybe pull it out a bit (not all the way) some sensor would feel it and it would stop pumping. You know, there's a sensor that knows when your tank is full and it stops. The sensor knows if the nozzle is still in your car or hung up. I figured the nozzle sensor might be able to save me. No such fucking luck. As I pulled on the nozzle a bit, the pressure of the pumping gas shot the nozzle right out of the gas tank and was gushing gas everywhere, all over the ground, all over the car and of course all over me and my friend. Somehow miraculously the handle stopped pumping gas. However, we were soaked with gasoline. We went inside to tell the gas guy and I was waiting patiently in line and he says, with his nose squinshing, "do you smell that". I said, "yeah, that's what I was in hear to tell you, your pump jammed and sprayed gas everywhere." He was offering free soda and gave us one of those yellow "out of order" baggies to put on the pump.

I still can't get the gasoline smell out of my clothes after washing them a few times, it is getting better though. I just scrubbed my sandals but they are Birkenstocks and I'm afraid that the gas sank all the way through the cork soles and will always have a faint smell of gas. I exfoliated my skin in the shower until I was raw because the smell just wouldn't go away. Now, the slightest smell of gas makes my head spin. I have to put more gas in my car today and I am a wee bit scared.

The next day after gas-spewing-mania 2005, I awoke at about 5:45 in the morning high off gasoline and dizzy. I couldn't sleep so I stared at all the texture and value (things I am learning in art class) on every item in the room including the walls. I proceeded to jot some things down in a really high fashion.

word for word by the way...

page 1- "we sprayed gas all over us. I called T. even after all that is against it. His his Mom's answering machine. 9.22.02 (technically) I am high off spilled gas. I love Italy."

page 2- "I totally use the word "totally" too much. In my dream I just had, I totally just mastered the art of making elipses in these tower things. And I was master painter because I got texture down! gas smells. Now I notice value in everything."

page 3- "when I realized it:
Shawn: you wanna grab dinner?
me: I can't, I have plans with a friend.
Shawn: okay, talk to you later.
me: Yeah, I'll totally talk to you later."

page 4- "like a 3rd grade school girl who has a Vally Girl problem. circa 1991 Laura pinched me everytime I said "dude". I wish she were around, thing is though...I'm 27 and should have more self control."

this page was from right after I called T, this was before I went to bed and it is written in the messist scribble of them all- "I miss T. very much. I jsut called him after staying at LIC's and getting gas all over us. I miss you."

few side notes...

I did call T. I don't know what possessed me. Luckily he didn't answer. He did return my call about an hour later but I was fast asleep at that point and didn't hear the phone. He didn't leave a message. whew. I did jot something down about his mom's answering machine but I am very confident that I didn't leave a message. also take note that I thought it was 2002.

I have been cussing way too much lately. But somehow the cussing got replaced with the word "totally". I am on a strict language diet right now. I am watching the cussing and monitering my use of "totally". So far so good, but it's only been 2 days.

the letters LIC are my friend's initials.

When I was saying "dude" a lot, Laura would pinch me everytime I said it. It worked and I stopped over using the word. I do have self control and have cut back but I still just wish she were around because I love her. And speaking of Laura, I called her that night as well. I think I just told her on the voicemail that I love her very much. I do believe I said it over and over again.