nope. still alive.
my dad has been sober for two months.
it's kind of weird. it's like before i had a reason to hate him, not talk to him, think negatively of him. now, i don't know how to live a life loving my dad. the last time i loved my dad, i was like six and i was his princess, we would go fishing and he would feed me those orange lance peanut butter crackers. then it somehow turned into me being a bitch. constant scowls. ruthless words exchanged.
he is a huge reason i am so fucked in the head sometimes. he is the reason why i can't maintain a real loving relationship.
i am happy that he is sober but it's fucking 27 years too late.
i have been having minor anxiety attacks which turn into little emotional breakdowns recently...i don't know how to live this life that i am in. i think a lot of my stress has been related to this. constantly holding my breath just waiting for him to start drinking again. waiting for that huge disappointment that's right around the corner.
posted by j. @ Tuesday, February 14, 2006
2 Comments
2 Comments:
you can't worry about what he does or doesn't do. it's no reflection on you. (took me a while to figure that out for myself!)
but as I was reminded just yesterday, cherish each great moment you do have with him...
happy to have you back!
I'm glad you're back, too.
My best friend has been sober for fifteen years now. He didn't get it right the first time...relapsed a bit after going through rehab...but he's fully involved in his recovery now. He used to be a pretty surly dude, and now he's the "Dad of the Whole Neighborhood" as one of his neighbors told me.
So it does get better.
I've been to a couple meetings with him, and met a lot of people for whom AA works...and many of them have families, and swear by Al-Anon and ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics).
There are folks out there who have been through what you're going through and can give you ideas on how to deal with it.
Oh, and it bears saying again: glad you're back.
~Kurt
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