Anxiously Awaiting

Preface- this post is a little long and it's regarding some stupid personal BS. However, I have this blog as a journal for myself and it's kinda like therapy. So, read if you like but don't blame me if you're not entertained. Not that my other posts are entertaining but you know what I mean.

Okay, so T and I got into a fight. It was over the phone and it was just a war of words really, there wasn't a point to the fight that I can rememeber. Oh, I was upset about something that was big to me but trivial to everyone else (regarding our landlord). I called him so he could console me. Instead he told me that it was stupid that I was upset over this issue. That made me more upset and I hung up. The next day is when I yelled at him for being insensitive and selfish (which he very rarely is) and he told me I was too sensitive, etc. I won't play out the conversation but that's the jist.

So, I never called him. And I never heard back from him. The thing is though, my cell phone fucked up two nighhts ago and for almost all of yesterday. I didn't realize it until yetserday evening when my mom pointed out she had been calling all day and I didn't answer. So I really don't know if T ever tried to call or not. Well, I called his house this morning just to see if he'd answer and I would ask if he had tried to call.

I called and his mom answered the phone and told me that T was at Bonnaroo*. T had been debating or not whether to go and was usually deciding to not go. He has really been trying to save his money and be responsible. He deserves a break from all of his hard work. Plus, his birthday is next week so he definetly should be there. But I am digressing from my frustration. I guess my frustration is that I probably won't talk to him until Monday or Tuesday when he gets back. I'm jealous because I wanted to go to Bonnaroo but just couldn't afford it in the end (and I can afford it more than he can). And my biggest concern is that he is at Bonnaroo and we are not officially together. That freaks me out and makes me nervous. He will be partying like crazy** with all kinds of people and anything could happen. And he left for Bonnaroo while we were in a fight. That is the perfect ingredient for debauchery, disaster, who knows what.

Whatever happens here in the end, we won't know until he gets back. If he comes back and tells me he has ugh, shared himself with some girl, ugh, I think I will draw the line and tell him we can no longer be "friends". Ahhh, just the thought makes me so sad. I can't deal with that. It'd be nice if he called me from the festival but there are a zillion people and rarely anyone can get a cell reception, so I'm not even waiting on a call.

So until, lord, like 3 days from now I will be anxiously wondering what is going on at Bonnaroo.

To distract myself today, I am going to lunch at Frontera with my mom and her ladies from school. Then I'll go to the mall to return some lip conditioning stuff from MAC and some stupid sunglasses I bought and then later that day regretted. I will be working all weekend so I'll be fine. But when it comes down to it, I am sad because I don't ever not talk to T this long and the same goes for seeing him. I was ready for us to resolve things so we could hang out. I miss him. A lot.

*Bonnaroo is a huge, huge 3 day music festival in Tennessee, the fest. is 3 hours from here. I went the first year, I think the fest. is in it's 4th year. T went to the 2nd one and it was on his birthday, I still shutter at all the crazy memories he has shared with me from that experience.
**Believe me, T knows how to party, I don't have to include details. Luckily he doesn't party now like he did when he went to Bonnaroo but I am still nervous. I am no freakin angel myself but T makes me look like a goody-two-shoes.